Greetings and hello my fascinating Novas! I was getting ready to write up a blog post when the best idea popped into my head out of nowhere! I was thinking about some of the lore and plots that we have grown up with in video games. Then my mind decided to go all Scooby Doo and propose the question: Wouldn’t it be crazy if… we didn’t know the whole story? So now I’m severely interested and talking things over with my friends Erick & Emily about presenting a version of the story that’s likely to have been the case. If you’re not following me yet, don’t worry when I explain the first story you will tie all of the pieces together. So let’s get investigating gang!
Lore: Bowser is an evil dinosaur that hates Mario and always tries to abduct Princess Peach.
Question: Wouldn’t it be crazy if Bowser only hates Mario because he is MARRIED TO PEACH??????
Investigation: What’s the probability of Peach being married to Bowser.
Exhibit A: Bowser has kids…. The Koopa Kids but I do not recall them having a mother. He also has Bowser Jr.
- Through the initial investigating phases, I have found a few suspect pictures that I would like to present. I sat down to a very intense interview with our Princess and here’s what she had to say.
Me: Good evening Peach! I’m just following up on a few leads and I would love to ask you some questions if you don’t mind.
Peach: No problem Luna! I’m happy to help anyone who is a friend of the Mushroom Kingdom!
Me: Ok great! Just a few quick questions here. First, how are things going with Mario?
Peach: Everything’s fantastic! Mario is very sweet and helpful and I don’t nkow what I would do without him.
Me: Oh That’s sweet! So, are you guys planning on getting married?
Peach: No, we haven’t talked about it. We’re both pretty busy at the moment.
Me: Oh… I was under the impression that you were engaged?
Peach: No I can’t be…. I mean of course not. What would make you think such a thing?
Me: Engagement ring? Also, why did you stop going by your maiden name, Princess Toadstool? For that matter, why have you changed your appearance and dyed your hair Princess?
Peach: This isn’t an engagement ring and I don’t like you prying into my personal life. This interview is OVER!
Exhibit B: Bowser has maddddd money to build contraptions and go after Mario
- We know that I loveeee reading and watching pieces about royals and nobles. From this study of history I know that often times 2 kingdoms are united by marriage. Bowser is King of the Koopas and Peach is Princess of Mushroom Kingdom what if she was married off to Bowser to unite the Kingdoms?
Exhibit C: The guy flying in the clouds recording everything has a 6 hour gap in his tapes!!!
- I’ve interviewed a few citizens of the Mushroom Kingdom who prefer to keep their identity secret. Let’s hear what they have to say.
Interview with Kim from Later Levels:
Me: Hey Kim, thank you for sitting down with me. As discussed, I wanted to get your insight on an investigation that I am heading up. Since you are a guru in the video game realm, I thought you’d be the perfect person to help out!
Me :Have you seen any suspicious encounters between Bowser and Princess Peach?
Kim: It’s not the encounters we see that are suspicious – it’s the ones we don’t which are downright dodgy! Think about it: what does poor Mario find every time he goes off to save Peach from one of these so-called ‘kidnappings’? It’s Toad, telling him yet again that the princess is in another castle. If Peach had really been taken by Bowser – who’s meant to be this fierce, fire-breathing beast – why would he keep leaving behind a servant who gives the would-be rescuers clues as to the Peach’s location? Toad should be fried mushroom by now.
So maybe they aren’t real kidnappings after all. Maybe it’s just a cover-up for two star-crossed lovers who don’t want to ruin their reputations. Why on earth would you continue to play tennis and go go-karting with someone who keeps trying to abduct you, huh?
Me: Who do you think is the real mother of Bowser Jr?
Kim: The word on the Toad Town street is that Bowser revealed to Bowser Jr that Peach was his mum. Some are saying that this was a lie and just a way for the Koopa King to persuade his son to ‘rescue’ his mother from that ‘evil Mario’; but when you consider what I’ve already told told you about these ‘kidnappings’, who knows how many untruths we’re being fed?
Consider also that Bowser Jr looks particularly fetching when wearing pink. I wonder whether he got that trait from his mother’s side of the family…
Me: If Bowser and Peach were married, what would it mean for the Mushroom Kingdom?
Kim: I don’t know why the pair of them continue to try and hide their marriage. Sure, their reputations might take a bit of a knock to begin with – the royal princess falling for a bit-of-rough from the wrong side of the tracks, the power-hungry villain giving up evil in the name of love – but it could be a good thing. It could bring about peace for all mushrooms, you know?
No more warring factions fighting over the realm; divided Toads and Koopas brought together in harmony; an end to ferocious man-eating plants jumping out at you when you want to use the bathroom. And no more wasting tax-payers’ money on these stupid kidnappings!
Me: Lakitu is missing 6 hours of footage from June 18th between 4pm to 10pm. Also, the goombas and Koopas whereabouts are unknown from that block of time. Do you know where they were and why there is 6 hours of footage missing?
Kim: Let me guess: Princess Peach told you that this footage occurred during the time of her last kidnap and that the cameras were damaged during the scuffle when she was taken. How very convenient! Two words for you: date night.
Thank you for your time Kim!
I have a lot of evidence and more questions now. If only, I could find a …
ROYAL CORRESPONDENT TOAD REPORTS: If Bowser and Peach are actually married, there are some pretty far-reaching implications. Peach is the Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom, as we know, but there doesn’t seem to be a King or Queen and Peach seems to be de facto ruler of the Kingdom: she’s not just a member of its royal family, she would appear to be its head. If she’s actually married Bowser, this would make him a high-up member of the family too, and therefore potentially extremely powerful within the Kingdom’s government. We don’t know exactly what the lineage of the Mushroom Royal Family is, but Peach being the Princess and monarch apparent would make Bowser Prince Consort or something like that at the very least! Since we haven’t seen any evidence that there’s a president or prime minister, we can assume that the royal family does actually wield governing power, so Bowser probably has some say in what laws are made.
Mario might well bear the legal status of traitor and war criminal! All this is just assuming Bowser’s the one who married into the royal family, of course. But what if that’s not the case at all? What if Bowser was the actual hereditary member of the monarchy, and Peach is the one who gained her status and title by marrying? Imagine that! The Koopa line would be the true rightful rulers of the kingdom, with Mario little more than a blue-collar everyman mounting a one-man revolution.
-Chris, Overthinker Y
Based on the evidence and witness statements, what do you think? Do you think there’s a possibility that Bowser and Peach are secretly married? Have you seen anything suspicious in the Mushroom Kingdom or Mario franchise that would validate our claims? Let’s talk gaming conspiracies!
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